This Blog Moved!

We decided that, since I will not be riding a Vespa across France rather a Piaggio MP3 250, that we should change the name of the project to one more fitting of the spirit of the adventure. As a person with hidden disabilities, I am always having to find another way around; this led us to the idea of going "off the map," so "OffTheMapEurope.blogspot.com" is my new blogger home.

I moved copies all my previous blog entries to the new location for ease of reference, but I'm very sad to lose all your great comments in the process. The original posts, with your comments, can still be found at the old blog, which will remain up, but not active. I would love it if you would join me in my new digs as the journey is just beginning to heat up. For more up-to-date news, please join our Facebook Group "Off The Map: Europe," as well as travel news on Twitter: OffTheMap_eu and everytrail.com: OffTheMap.

Jitters Be Gone!

I have to get rid of the jitters. I don't have them really badly, and I don't have them all the time, but I have to get rid of them when there is no reason for them to be there.

As I've said, I've realized how very "mental" it is riding the scooter. Having flashbacks of my previous scooter wipe-out (and the accident I was in as a motorcycle passenger) while I'm cruising down the road is not contributing to keeping me—or anyone else—safe and sound.

To that end, I've decided to go through a treatment that I've had before, called, cleverly enough, Prolonged Exposure. It is a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy developed at the University of Pennsyvania for sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder. The technique is designed to help people process traumatic events and reduce trauma-induced psychological disturbances in their normal lives, so when they are faced with new experiences which they would have previously associated with their trauma, they won't be triggered by those new experiences.

I received the treatment before to try to diminish the after-effects of having been in the ICU and the medically induced coma experience (which I talk about here), as well as for trauma from sexual abuse that happened when I was 19. To say that the treatment is extremely unpleasant would be an understatement. Nevertheless, I called the psychiatrist that helped me before, and we scheduled three appointments to work on my past upsets. After the treatment, I don't expect to be picturing myself wiping out while cruising.

Next, it is my plan to go back up to Kalamazoo where I took my motorcycle safety class from Pastor Freak at Michigan's Safest Riders and see if I can't get some pointers on cornering with this funny little three-wheeled dealio.
 

Steve E. Bensinger, a.k.a. Freak.
Owner, Program Manager, Rider, Coach,
Senior Pastor for Come As You Are Church
(with friend)

Image courtesy of Michigan's Safest Riders

I know my hesitation, and therefore wide corners, are a problem. I think once I shake the jitters, Pastor Freak should be able to help me figure out how to corner with a great tilt and still be plenty safe, because that is what this 3-wheeler is all about. I will finally be in good shape to explore the limits of this gorgeous, unnamed creature—without panicking for no good reason.

Girlie Helmet and Crew Takes Shape

Ara poses with new helmet, MP3 and Emmett

Today the Girlie Helmet* arrived!

(*Its official name is the Shark S650 Ikebana.)

I think it actually looks pretty cool, but there will be no doubt that a girl is wearing it.

I was nervous that the size I had ordered would be too small, as I did not have one available to try on. Fortunately, the owner's manual explained how to choose your size:

1. "The helmet should feel very snug all around your head and fairly tight on the cheek pads. If not, it is too big for you; select a smaller size." Check!
2. "You should feel the skin of your head and face being pulled as you move the helmet. If not, the helmet is too big for you; select a smaller size." Check!

Reading the manual went on and on in this same fashion. What a relief, because they won't exchange a helmet.

yep, those are flowers

Not only did the helmet finally arrive, but I am beginning to amass quite a support crew for my project. I've already written about how my husband, Michael, supports me here, but the last couple of days have brought some new and familiar faces into the fold:

Yesterday, Michael and I met with Mike Huspen, the owner of Fab-N-Weld, in Berrien Springs, Michigan. Mike designed a custom rack for the back of my Chevy Tahoe that would allow me to pack up my scooter and take it somewhere else to ride—without any help from anyone. I'm ecstatic. I've never felt so free. The scooter is very exciting, but if I'm limited to only a one or so hour radius from my house.... Well, let's just say it will be a lot more exciting to be able to pack up and take that hour anywhere my Tahoe can go, with no fatigue acquired en route. It truly is over-the-top exhilarating.

Huspen standing on steel rails of our home, ca. 2008

Mike is drawing up the plans for a pivoting platform that I would drive the scooter on (with bumpers to stop me from overshooting the end). Then, I would just set the parking brake and walk off of it. There are other features, but that is just a tidbit to give you an idea of what is in the works.

Then I met with Greg Allee of Thunder Allee Motorcycles in Bridgman. Greg might be able to assist in getting the various racks on the bike that will be needed to hold the metal panniers. I'm interested in the ones made by metalmule.com, if I can find a rack that will hold them along with my emergency tent and sleeping bag.

Aaron Sandy is a passionate Piaggio/Vespa expert who lives up near Holland, Michigan. He has agreed to make any necessary mechanical adjustments, including changing the weight and balance for all the touring luggage, and rigging the GPS unit and any mounted cameras. He also promised to give me a basic mechanical course, so I can begin to know this machine I'm driving around.

When I drove over to see Mike and Greg yesterday, I have to say I became more comfortable with her, this being now Day 2. I think the two of us are going to get on just fine, and we won't need much longer. My biggest struggle has been parking and moving her around at very slow speeds (starting from a stop and such). Michael and I devised a plan for how I could park her when I got home yesterday, and I'm happy to say, I spun her right around into her assigned parking spot up against the concrete wall -- just as we had hoped I would work up to being able to do. She is pointed toward the road and ready to go.

She's Home!

I drove 131 miles on my new MP3 250 today bringing her home from Grand Rapids. Trial by fire has always been my most comfortable way to learn. But it certainly had its edgy moments today as I tried to get a feel for the acceleration in the turns and found myself too wide and in someone's way one time and at another time in the sand with my back tire wobbling around as I went careening toward someone's mailbox. I also dropped it from a practical standstill as I was trying to figure out if I was going to go or not go. A kind gentleman raced his car over to the side of the road and picked up the 500-pound monster for me. I made it just past these disasters and carried on. Michael was leading the way in our Tahoe until we could get me on a road that I could use to find my own way home. His closeness certainly felt like a big security blanket, but he wasn't driving the bike and he wasn't keeping it from hitting the ground.

When I first took it for a spin around the parking lot of the dealership I realized for the first time that I hadn't ridden since my wipe-out last year. Just as I took off I felt butterflies in my stomach and I asked myself, "What is that about?" and then thought, "Oh, no!" I had some internal freak-outs at various points throughout the trip, but I made up a song (a very bad song) about how the bike is stable and I'm on the bike and it's a moving tripod and I'm one with the environment and I'm safe and on and on. It actually helped me relax and focus despite the fact that the song itself wasn't very cheerful. It droned on like one of the Lutheran marching hymns I sang as a child.


I also observed that while I'm trying to be as safe as I can be the drivers around me are being less than safe as they do a double take when they see the bike with the two wheels in the front, "Did I see? No I... yes I... well, I'll be..." I saw two almost-accidents because of the curiosity of onlookers, and there may have been more I didn't see. Then there are the looks when Michael and I stopped for lunch and when I stopped for gas. Some of the looks were directed toward me. Because I don't have abdominal muscles, I can only lift my legs a few inches off the ground and the rest I have to do by using my hand to lift my leg up and over the middle of the bike. I definitely saw some, "Oh my God, can she drive that thing?" looks, or maybe they were "I want to make sure I am out in front of her" looks or some such. So, needless to say, this first outing was dramatic for all of us!

When the tach hit 45 I made Michael pull over and give me a kiss. For those of you new to this blog, I've wanted to be 45 since I was 14. I read a bunch of biographies then and noted that many artists and scientists did some of their coolest work when they were in their mid forties, so I have been looking forward to the occasion. I'm happy to say, that I was blessed with the opportunity to do an artistic work last year that I am very proud of (wevow.net) and this coming year I'm celebrating having overcome some health and life challenges to make all that happen, basically I'm celebrating being alive in a joyous way by scootering across France. I'm approaching the big turning point in April. --- So, as I was saying -- The kiss:

The research process has already begun. I definitely want a compass mounted on the dash somewhere. Also, the switches for the video cam or audio taping device must be on the handlebars. Trying to take even my left hand off the handlebars when driving at 60 mph to put the mouthpiece of the camel-back in my mouth is not always a good idea. I couldn't believe how much the winds were kicking me around in general. Oh and 12c is too cold for a pair of jeans, a thin sweater, a fleece and my motorcycle jacket - note to self, "Get something for my neck!" Days that are pretty in the morning and afternoon get cold when the sun drops.

Plan for Day 2 on the MP3: Continue to work on cornering slower.

Photos: Michael Ashburne

Tidbits

Sometimes I don't want to post a blog if I don't have one big thing to say. But people have encouraged me to let you know what is up when I just have tidbits or fragments. So here are today's fragments...

For the last six weeks my knees have been hurting, the right worse than the left. I couldn't figure out if it was the elliptical, some residual issue from my scooter wipe-out last summer, or the most scary possibility: that my lack of abdomen had worn my knees and lower back out. I finally got in to see the orthopedic doc a couple days ago, and the prognosis is good. My knees are in great shape and only my cartilage is swollen and annoyed. He prescribed icing three times a day and some naproxen for a month. He also suggested PT, but I suspect that they won't be able to help me, given all the physical limitations that my reconstructive surgeon has placed on me. Regardless, I am so so happy. I was concerned that another major system of my body had given out. That it is only a minor issue, is a tremendous relief.

As a result, I haven't worked out in a week. This means I haven't lost weight, either (grrr), and I'm nervous about how much territory I may have lost. I'm going to get back on the elliptical in another two days and we will see how many minutes I'm able to exercise. For the record, I was doing 20 minutes of low-grade interval training when I left off, in addition to yoga a couple times a week (a very modified-for-injured-people yoga).

Two more cool books arrived to assist me in my planning efforts:

• "France on Foot: Village to Village, Hotel to Hotel; How to Walk The French Trail System on Your Own" by Bruce Le Favour; and
  
• "Motorcycle Journeys Through The Alps & Beyond" (Fourth Edition) by John Hermann.

The other news is that on Tuesday, Michael and I are bopping up to Fox Vespa in Grand Rapids to give the MP3 250 a spin. Let's pray we don't get another snow storm or buckets of rain on Tuesday. The suspense is killing me. Oh, and if I am going to be giving it a spin, I need a helmet that wasn't compromised from my spill last summer, so I picked up a fresh one and it is girlie. I know, I'm surprised too.

My accountant suggested that we make a list of everything we think we are going to need to spend money on related to the trip. We want to get a grip on the expenses in advance. There are a couple of expenses for which we hope we can find sponsors.

I made a list of some of the potential practice destinations for this summer and their requisite mileage (Toledo, Minneapolis, Detroit, and a few others).

That wraps up some of the tidbits for the last few days... more soon, hopefully with pictures of me on the MP3!

Amazing Together

My husband Michael and I are opposites in styles and talents. Although he is always quick to add that we share many values and have cross-over interests. But the truth is, we are as different as two humans can be. Over the last sixteen years, we have managed a few big projects together — all of them under duress except the building of our home. Otherwise he runs his half of the world and I run mine. So, I was surprised a couple weeks ago when he jumped in without being solicited, and helped me to get my Vespa Voyages project off the ground. He bought my url, set up my Facebook group and such — I figured he was just being my tech guy. We had our first chance to really talk about the logistics of the trip during our drive to Chicago the other day.

The truth is, he has a motivation for helping me on this project, besides my being his wife and all... When I was just out of the hospital 10 years ago, and so sick that I could do nothing but lie in bed with a laptop on my knees, I drafted a book about my two-month experience in the ICU: the induced coma, what I was able to hear and understand, the delusions, my perceptions, the pain. Besides my husband, there are a number of people that wanted that book published, but when I was finally able to leave the house and go out for anything other than a trip to the doctor or pharmacy, I was done with that book. It did not matter that I had nearly finished that draft. I was as over it as anyone can be, and I believed I deserved a life. I hadn't figured out yet how to have one, but I wanted to spend every second of every day working at moving forward, rather then bemoaning the horrors of my time in the ICU or my struggles thereafter.

When I got the idea to do this trip and chronicle both my preparatory path before the tour and then the tour itself, somehow for me the book came back to life. I was willing to consider the book as the first half to having figured out how to live despite the issues. Now, back then, the issues were practically insurmountable; now they are just ever-present challenges. Life is bigger than the hassle and the pain, as I hope my chronicle here will show. This is what Michael wants told. He has been my dedicated companion through the hell and in creating an integrated life. He just wants the already-written book to be published. I hope that what I write next will be more compelling, but that's just me.

That brings us to the drive to Chicago.

We were driving from our home in Berrien County, Michigan to Chicago. Road trips have always been our best time for working through problems, filling each other in on information and stories, and brainstorming. Although this is our routine way of getting things done, a few trips have been more memorable than others. This one felt electric. I started by telling him that I'd begun to think about the technology for the trip — him being my tech guy.

I was firing the questions and he was firing back answers. Will my MacBook Air be too fragile to take? "No, it doesn't have moving parts. It is definitely the one to take. Either that or one you can drop from a cliff [the Panasonic Toughbook], but we already have the Air."

We talked about the satellite phone ("sat phones," as they're called) packages I found. We discussed inexpensive mini video cameras for diaries and how I might upload them to this blog on the fly. We talked about back-up drives and Internet storage.

Quite a number of people have recommended different cameras. Realistically, I know I don't take many pictures when I am traveling. I want to be in the experience and not interrupt it to pull myself out to record it. I also hate posing people, "Hey everybody come here, we are going to take a picture!" I just can't do it, so I didn't want to buy a particular camera for the job. We decided I could take Michael's Powershot for any snapshots I might want to take. (I pray I don't drop it in a river somewhere!)

We are going to look into a digital recorder and helmet mike for me to record my thoughts while on the scooter. Drives, backups, cloud storage, redundancies, paper journals, and also what software to use as I prepare — all these little details need to be considered and explored. I've been taking notes with TextEdit, and it is already getting chaotic. I'm trying to make sense of the gear I may need, lists about differing laws in the different countries, notes, sources.... Should I use ProCite which I have some experience with, or the new streamlined Google Notebook...

I tend to be very independent in the direction of my projects, so it is surprising to see how easily Michael has been able to jump in on this project without any direction from me and not ruffle my feathers. A few weeks ago Michael, set up a Facebook group for Vespa Voyages and I didn't think much of it as he was providing his usual tech services, but during this drive I could see that something more was happening. The whole sum is greater than its parts thing. Well, I'm beginning to believe we are going to see it here and I don't yet know the outcome. There is no way to know if the two stories will fit together as a unified work. His dream for reviving the first book may not happen, but for now he is happy to have it back on the table. As for me, I'm never better than I am when backed by Michael. Now it gets exciting.

The Workouts. The Food.

I need to get fit. I've fought fatigue since the ICU. My endurance has improved over time but fatigue hasn't gone away. If I exert myself one day (standing too long, walking too far, riding a scooter for twenty minutes, getting too cold) I may find myself in bed for several hours or a day or two to recover, depending on how bad the "offense." My hope is that if I gradually and mindfully work to increase my endurance, I might be able to extend my reach. Walking, the elliptical machine, and swimming are all I am allowed to do. Swimming can't really be done without an abdomen. Pandora.com set to Sean Paul is my friend on the elliptical.

I'm fortunate in that I have an old elliptical by our bathroom and it overlooks the marshland in front of our house. The first month was agonizing. Starting out with 5 minutes, then 7 minutes, for a couple of days, then working up to 12 minutes, with several day breaks in between. When I finally made it to 20 minutes, even at a slow pace, I was down for five days after. It is three months later and I'm able to work 20 minutes every other day for a few days before I break for a few days.

I so desperately want the steady pace required for results. At three months in, I feel like I should have it by now. But I'm doing the best I can and I am grateful that at least some progress. So I might get it yet.

And then there is the diet/nutrition/weight --- ugh. I have a reputation for eating small portions, so I figured if I just cut back a little more and recorded what I ate I would lose weight for certain. Not so. After two months I went to see a nutritionist and was put on the hideous counting calorie plan. To be honest, I couldn't do it if I didn't have help from Michael with the looking up, the figuring and the counting. After 10 days on this plan I've finally lost two pounds. I have another 28 to go. This isn't going to change the distorted shape of my body, but I will no longer be dragging around weight that isn't working for me.

Workout programs and new eating plans are supposed to have slow results, but unfortunately for me they are even slower. During the presidential race I had a button that said Obama = Sanity. Although it doesn't say this exactly it conjured up an idea for me about how Obama was playing his own steady game, doing what he knew was right and not being bandied about by all the chaos around him. I put this button on my elliptical as a reminder that is is my game. I've set the course and I set parameters and I'm the one that I decides how I'm going to go about this, but I need to do this from a level-headed place not a crazy-headed let's get this job done head. I know I need to do a slow and steady wins the race, just like Obama. This is not my "natural" or old style, but it is the only style that is going to get me to France or get me home safely.