Backstory

For those of you who don't know the backstory, in 2000 I was in the ICU for two months. I had necrotizing fasciitis as the result of a surgical procedure to remove an ectopic pregnancy. Surgeons performed daily debridements to remove dead flesh from my abdomen. They did this for three weeks until the 30 muscles of my abdomen were entirely removed. During this time I was in a medically induced coma because the infection was so severe that the medical team believed they needed all of my body's energy to fight it. Every hour in the ICU my family and friends did not know if I would live. When I got out of the ICU I spent another month in rehab which I busted out of and then I spent the next year and a half at home unable to conceive how I could ever do something I believed in again. Six months later I had the largest abdominal reconstruction that has ever been done. This had quite a few consequences.

For 18 months I was suicidal. I could not comprehend how not having the strength to open a can or the endurance to make it to the bathroom more than once in a day was supposed to add up to some kind of life. I'm not saying I had no enjoyment in my life because that would be untrue. But I was struggling to create a way that I could contribute to the world in a meaningful manner. Through several tedious and frustrating years I eventually came into being a new self by combining my skills and talents to work as a director. The truth, however, is that I am able to (do this work) direct, because I am surrounded by professionals, as well as a number of friends and family who jump in at every turn and make me look as if I am doing everything all on my own.

So now the adventure begins. Now I will be doing a real journey, one for which I am not in the least prepared. I will need to enlist the help of strangers in a foreign country. The good news is I love the French. Granted, I was only in Paris eleven days in 2006 but for all the nasty talk between the French and Americans, I love the French and they seem to like me just fine.

I have so much to figure out. I need to determine the logistics of getting my scooter to France. Like any other trip I need to make plans carefully considering my disabilities. I will talk more about this as I begin to plan and prepare. Right now I have it on my mind that I have to figure out if there is some kind of backpack that can be broken down into pieces that would be about 10-15 lbs. a piece so that I can carry each piece into my lodging individually. I'm also thinking about how I'm going to be able to relearn French with the cognitive losses I've had since my time in the ICU.

Now I need to catch you all up. I've been working on increasing my endurance and managing my fatigue for a month now. I have a long way to go. When I first got the scooter last Spring, I found I could ride her for about twenty minutes. Then I passed out for several hours. My hope is that my efforts on the elliptical machine will have me in better shape by the time scooter season begins.

There is a great deal more to prepare for, to figure out and to train for, let's go.

Take Off

An outstanding adventure is brewing in my imagination. I want to ride my Vespa from Paris through Western France and down to Southern France to Nice to explore the Chagall Museum. When I was a teenager I read a whole slew of biographies of artists and scientists and noticed that many of them came into their own around 45. They made their greatest discoveries, created works that were truly unique or found it within themselves to challenge themselves in new and amazing ways.

In my case, the challenge isn't the challenge itself but navigating the myriad residual physical consequences from my two month stay in the ICU in 2000 and the major surgeries that followed. I have friends and family that are horrified that I would attempt such a feat and wonder how they could get me tailed by an ambulance with my surgeon inside. I've been said to be, "unstoppable," "resourceful," "passionate," and again let it be said, "unstoppable!"

The truth is no one is more concerned about my safety than me. It has been ten years and I've learned to adapt to a number of my disabilities in such a way that they have become hidden - sometimes hidden because my husband or a friend jumps in and helps me. This adventure is going to require extensive planning. The biggest factor may be physical training, to see if I can increase my endurance enough to make the ride possible. I will need to figure out a way to pack gear that breaks down so that I can move it and not exceed my 10-14 pound carrying limit. I will need to practice rides of various durations here to see if I would even be able to count on making it to a specific location by a reservation time. In my current life managing fatigue is an ongoing balancing act.... I will need to know in advance exactly what those limits are.

If I could learn French before going it would make the whole experience not only easier, but so much more enjoyable. This may present the biggest challenge of all. Although I seem normal to most people, my closest friends are acutely aware of the cognitive losses I've been struck with. The most maddening is one that happens to the elderly which is called lack of "word recall." It is when you sort of know the word, but you just can't think of it. This happens to everyone sometimes and me quite a bit. This makes learning or relearning a language very frustrating - but I haven't given up yet.

I have a lot to figure out. This is why I'm considering this Vespa Voyage for April or May of 2011. My plan is to record the steps it takes to make it to the voyage which may end up being harder than the actual challenge itself -- we don't yet know.

I would love to have you with me on this journey, but if you would prefer to "unsubscribe" from the email list just send an email to ara@vespavoyages.com and I will remove you, for the rest of you let's go!