I have to get rid of the jitters. I don't have them really badly, and I don't have them all the time, but I have to get rid of them when there is no reason for them to be there.
As I've said, I've realized how very "mental" it is riding the scooter. Having flashbacks of my previous scooter wipe-out (and the accident I was in as a motorcycle passenger) while I'm cruising down the road is not contributing to keeping me—or anyone else—safe and sound.
To that end, I've decided to go through a treatment that I've had before, called, cleverly enough, Prolonged Exposure. It is a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy developed at the University of Pennsyvania for sufferers of post-traumatic stress disorder. The technique is designed to help people process traumatic events and reduce trauma-induced psychological disturbances in their normal lives, so when they are faced with new experiences which they would have previously associated with their trauma, they won't be triggered by those new experiences.
I received the treatment before to try to diminish the after-effects of having been in the ICU and the medically induced coma experience (which I talk about here), as well as for trauma from sexual abuse that happened when I was 19. To say that the treatment is extremely unpleasant would be an understatement. Nevertheless, I called the psychiatrist that helped me before, and we scheduled three appointments to work on my past upsets. After the treatment, I don't expect to be picturing myself wiping out while cruising.
Next, it is my plan to go back up to Kalamazoo where I took my motorcycle safety class from Pastor Freak at Michigan's Safest Riders and see if I can't get some pointers on cornering with this funny little three-wheeled dealio.
Steve E. Bensinger, a.k.a. Freak.
Owner, Program Manager, Rider, Coach,
Senior Pastor for Come As You Are Church
(with friend)
Image courtesy of Michigan's Safest Riders
I know my hesitation, and therefore wide corners, are a problem. I think once I shake the jitters, Pastor Freak should be able to help me figure out how to corner with a great tilt and still be plenty safe, because that is what this 3-wheeler is all about. I will finally be in good shape to explore the limits of this gorgeous, unnamed creature—without panicking for no good reason.
4 comments:
Day 1 of PTSD treatment down. Turns out having a motorcycle accident with fairly minor injuries is way less traumatic than being in the ICU for two months. All that to say, it wasn't near as bad as I was dreading.
Aw, I wouldn't say you are panicking without good reason. I've had health and disability issues for my entire life. I get insecure about certain physical activities because I know I have or have had difficulty with them, or was told I had difficulty. Obviously this is different from the kind of trauma you wrote about, but still: I wouldn't be hard on yourself for feeling things, especially when they seem to trigger some kind of trauma.
You are facing your fears, doing what you love to do. Most important is that you seem to know what you are afraid of and why. I think that honesty will serve you well. So is riding the scooter a kind of therapy for you?
Hey there Loveable_Homebody!
Your support means a great deal to me, thank you. I took a peek at your blog, Beyond Passing Time, and can see that you deal with the delicate balance of managing health issues and living a life; I think we have a great deal to learn from each other -- you and I and our greater community.
My Prolonged Exposure treatment is helping, and after one round, with two more to go, I am looking forward to feeling a great deal more calm on the scooter next week. The following week is promising 70-degree days, so I can't wait to get on the scooter and feel much freer.
Best, Ara
The prolonged exposure treatment worked! I rode 14 miles today with no flashbacks! I couldn't be happier.
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